awakened

After decades of cycling through full, limited, and no contact with my family, which is full of narcissists, I suddenly had an epiphany! The odd part of an epiphany is that it comes at the most unexpected time. It came to me while I being berated on the phone by one of my siblings. She had shared some news in which would have provoked some empathy to the everyday functional family…. but not to me. After years of verbal abuse, I have adopted a new model of communication. I speak and reply in a  monotone manner. At this rate my monotony isn’t a far cry from the reality I have become. I am desensitized to my family’s news which typically is followed by a barrage of insults. After she abruptly hung the phone on me. I decided to give her a piece of my mind. It has been decades of abuse that have transpired between us. Decades of triangulation, instigation, and name dragging. At the end, I used to put up with all of it for the good of the family. In this family, we are supposed to put up with ill treatment because of (insert excuse). My reactions are based on their bad behavior.

At this moment, I have decided to be control of my life. My happiness is no longer being a part of chaos. Being a part of an emotionally abusive family is not for me. I no longer have to put up with the excuses, the cancelled planning, walking on egg shells, mistreatments, and name calling. I believe this toxicity begins at the top of this family. This abuse is a generational abuse. My generation has consisted of my narcissistic momster. This woman has pitted all her daughters to fight for whatever her cause is. I have awakened and will not be used as a resource any longer. I am a person not a tool. I used to think if only I were to change or maybe I shouldn’t express my feelings. I was wrong. It doesn’t matter how much I did or didn’t do for this family. I still get treated the same. I am the scapegoat. I am the one who calls them out. I am the odd man out since I do not and will not conform. I am the Black Sheep!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: