First- A narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to makeup with you. Hoovering is when the narcissist tries to suck you back into their life. Narcissists have different tactics they use depending on how they can get you to react. Since the word sorry doesn’t mean much to them, they throw it in there for good measure. Some can act lost. for example, “you haven’t called or you’re missing”. If they see they can’t get through with that, they start guilting you. They start to pull your heartstrings by saying how much they miss you. If you have children they will involve them also. I learned that they will use your children to their advantage in order to get leverage.
Second- forgiveness is used because everyone makes mistakes. We are taught to forgive and forget because it’s a humanistic quality but not to a narcissist. Narcissists are users who thrive on this quality. This is the part where they love bomb you. Non stop invitations to hangout and rebuild. Non stop phone calls to find out about your life and even use the kids to appeal to care. They love to throw around the “Family” word. Let’s be a real family. Let’s make up for the benefit of the family.
Third- you trust them again since it’s been great for a couple of weeks and that’s when they hook you. This stage is the stage where you start to question some jabs. They drop their guard and start to ask for favors. They start to use you again. This is the abuse point. This point you feel like you are imagining things. This is where triangulation comes in. You feel distant from others. You start to question if they are upset over something. The walking on eggshells starts at this time. You are worried about tipping the scales.
Fourth- confrontation. After some comments you try to ask or confront the situation. At this point, they can full on explode and yell obscenities demean you. They use projection by calling you selfish, dramatic, overreacting, negative, ect. Or they can use the innocent route by saying, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” They act real dumb during this stage to set you up as the crazy person. It’s never them, it’s all you. You’re the troublemaker. You’re confrontational. They wash their hands quickly so they come out clean out of the confrontation. At this point you feel like a caged animal because they have set you up.
Five- anger and guilt. At this point you are angry. You feel angry that the cycle has occurred once again. You feel let down by the people should have supported you and love you. You feel set up once again. You feel guilty you allowed them to do it once again. You allowed them to bait you. You feel them laughing at your misery. They are all happy because they played a part once again of trying to bring you down.
It is time to break the cycle!
Breaking the cycle will bring you peace. Walking away is the only way to protect yourself and your family. Do not let these monsters around your innocent children. They do not have their best interest. They will only rob them of their innocence. I have witnessed it first hand. Do not let them do what they did to you. You were a child who was emotionally abused. We were conditioned to live in the cycle. But now you know the truth. We can change. We will heal. We will educate ourselves. We will bring awareness to those who have no idea that they are caught in the cycle.