In my experience regarding flying monkeys, they never come at an expected time. They always show up when you least expect it. Flying monkeys are people who like to create havoc in your life intentionally or unintentionally. I mentioned intentionally because some are fully aware of the abuse committed against you. Some are unaware and do the narcissists bidding because they believe the narcissist’s side of the story.
Most of the time, they present themselves with well-meaning messages of “love”, “missing you”, “let’s fix it”, and “we are family/ friends”. After speaking to them, you quickly figure out that their agenda is not the original agenda but instead to crucify you once again. They use victim shaming and pointing fingers to get their point across. You are the bad guy once again. You are the person who abandons the family because who in their right mind does that? These people just want to get you back in the narcissistic hole so they can attack you all over again. They have no intention to really fix anything. They just want you around so they have someone to attack once again. They do not care about the abuse you have suffered. Just think of them as an informant who is still “loyal” to his boss but rats them out. Can you fully trust an informant? no, of course not.
Ways you can tell if it is a flying monkey:
- sends memes or a photo without saying anything else.
- they never accept any responsibility.
- they point fingers at you.
- set you up to be the “bad guy”.
- they speak in absolutes with you. It’s all or nothing and no grey areas; For example: “you always”, “you never”.
- They leave you feeling confused and in a fog.
- The intentionally assassinate your character to look better.
- manipulating you to change your mind and decisions
- not respecting your boundaries
- trying to have a moral high ground when they lack morals themselves.
- judgmental and one sided. they don’t care to hear your side and lack empathy.
- they lie and regurgitate the story the narcissist told them.
- they use you to get in the good graces of the narcissist.
When you feel you are being pulled in by a flying monkey, shut it down. The best course of action is to block. Do not let their words bother you since that is their original goal. At the end, you have gotten rid of the toxic behavior. You are on your way to healing.