Whenever I would try to hold on to a relationship, I would feel the tense air. This the time where it becomes full of uncertainty: the walking on egg shells period. Every offspring of a narcissist knows and feels the tension escalate. We can sense it in the air getting thicker. At first, we forgive and we make plans about how to deal with further conflicts. We say to one another, ” I love you. Next time you feel like XYZ come to me and we can talk.” We both agree to the new terms and try to have a new relationship. The main issue is that we do not have any great conflict resolution skills in our toolbox. When a disagreement arrives, we jump back to the cycle of abuse because that is all we know.
Children of narcissists are self-taught by survival. We learned that in conflict we can manipulate and lie to get out of the immediate conflict. This strategy buys you some time. Manipulation only buys you time so you can continue to live doing the same thing. Here is where generational abuse keeps thriving. Only the truly narcissist generation keeps up the lies, deception, omission, and manipulations for their personal gain. Alternatively, adult children can take another route, they can break the cycle and live authentically.
Firstly, we have to put the stop to the abuse by establishing boundaries. Boundaries are crucial for us to heal. Healing begins when we surround ourselves with people who truly love and support us. When someone gets comfortable breaking our boundaries, we have to cut them off. I know how this sounds rough but, we cannot heal in a chaotic atmosphere. When we live in a hazy FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) we are living robotically. Once you realize this you can take your life back and build upon it. Next blog I will discuss the different conflict resolutions. This can expand your self-knowledge about your personal actions while in conflict.