Shahs of Sunset is definitely one of my guilty pleasures. This line was delivered smoothly that it resonated deeply.
When things happen in our lives sometimes your actions have consequences. You have to really take accountability for your actions. If you don’t then your relationships will suffer. A simple apology doesn’t fix anything especially if it’s an empty apology. People who you’ve hurt want a real apology followed by a plan of action and hold up the plan of action.
Listen we are all capable of messing up and we all do mess up. I know I mess up quite often. Contrary to popular belief, I do apologize and I am good on holding up my side. Do I get it right all the time? Nope but I’m trying. I also do forgive (shocker I know). I forgive people who show me that they are working on fixing it. Do they mess up? Yes. Is there space to continue to work? Yes.
The biggest lesson is that I’ve let go of the illusion of forgiveness with people who don’t try. With people who aren’t really sorry. With people who enjoy creating situations to punish others. That I don’t like in the slightest. I’m the type that rather seek distance than over explain to people who don’t really care.
Over explaining basic things to people who should care is draining. We learn early on that when someone speaks up and tells you you’ve hurt them, then you should at least listen especially if you have a relationship with them. It’s truly basic. If I have to beg you to listen then that shows me you don’t really care about our relationship. It’s action based.
Anyways, I find that it’s important to dive deep into who we truly are, how we operate and our expectations with ourselves and others.
Our actions sometimes will hurt people directly or indirectly. Some people say I’ve hurt people because I am speaking about abuse. This is true. I’m often not swayed by certain arguments. I am grounded in my boundaries and that hurts people who feel entitled. This is expected. It’s also not changing.
We can hurt people who want us to be amenable. Who want us to be boundaryless. Who expect us to say yes to their many favors. Who expect us to lack a backbone in the name of love.
Ponder all of this.